my desire to blog: 19 January 2006, 9:45 AM, Macroeconomics class
THE RANTS OF A SICKLY HEART, ERM, GIRL
Its been a while since I last had a very decent, erm, readable entry in my blog. I've been so busy with school and it feels like I'm about to drown in all this school work.
At the moment, my heart wants to break. (okay). I feel like I've been keeping things to myself - all the fears, worries, frustrations and emotions. I know that if they all start piling up for whatsoever reason in the end, I'll burst like a big bubble up in the air.
I'm not making sense noh? Boohoo.
As i was saying, I have a lot to share.. (You see I haven't even cooked up a 2005 Year ender up until now)
1. Heart Issues
Actually, I'm pretty happy with my life right now. No doubt about that.
However, remember this thing that they say that you can never be completely happy... I don't wanna sound mean or bad about it.. but that SOMEONE (y'know, from the old entry) created this huge issue on me and my HEART life (yuck, parang ang mushy nuh?)
Anyway, I got a VERY mushy YET very applicable quote on my "relationship" with that certain someone.. here it goes..
MY DESIRE TO BLOG: 15 March, 2006
PLDT Hall, while waiting for our group’s defense (nice timing huh?)
Need for a better focus
Honestly there is great need for me to have better focus. As in. I haven’t updated this for months. In my desktop, I have a word document entitled “my desire to blog” and it has remained untouched for months (only until now). School’s currently being a pain in the ass. Like in a few minutes, we’re about to be grilled by our infamous HR teacher. And im actually scared to death right now but I think its nice that im finding comfort (again) through blogging. Haha.
Like myself, my mind is messed up right now (why, hello there, brainy). I cant wait for school to be over, BUT (a big but) im scared of what will happen next. As in. (ano to, favorite word?)
Anyway, what was I supposed to say?
Ah, I was supposed to tell you about the quote with the “supposed” relationship? Over. (Well, yeah sort of…as if I have a choice).
Lately, there’s another thing/person/being/place/object/emotion/etc. bothering me. And its yucky. Be back.
Back from the dead
back. And still kickin! 2 defenses down just in one afternoon, now that’s cool!
We’ve only got 2 more weeks I think, before this sem ends. And im excited and scared at the same time. I’m supposed to look for a job, as in now na, for the summer internship chuva. But I have no job pa rin and I have to fix my resume pa. ohhhh no.
Anyway. I want to go out tomorrow but I duno where, and with whom. Oh well.
Globe vs. Sun
I just realized how weird, but organized my phone messages are. My Sun sim is full of JOKES, and my Globe sim is full of QUOTABLE QUOTES. Haha. Sun people, I therefore conclude, are BORED people. And Globe people are, well, SERIOUS. Haha.
Here are a few samples.
Tagos sa Utak, Tagos sa Laman, Tagos sa Puso
1. Don’t be in a hurry to get into a relationship coz you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you are, and what you want in a relationship. You’re right, there’s no such thing as perfect relationship, but there’s a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already know that you’re too big to fit into a small-sized t-shirt, don’t give it a try. You’ll probably break it and pay for the damages you’ve made. – thanks cathe! J
2. At some point in your life, you’ll meet wonderful people, so wonderful that you’ll fall for them and be mistaken that they feel the same way… but the truth is, they’re just nice, only to nice. – chex (wow, galing ba tlga sau un??)
3. In a world where almost every guy you meet is a jerk, you know you don’t need to be serious, hang out, pretend, and play with them… Have fun and stop anytime. No attachments, no commitments, no pain. Convenient, isn’t it? But at the end of the show, you know you’re still yearning for something genuine.. You realize that what your really looking forward to is someone who can look at you straight in the eyes and tell you he loves you.. Someone worth every risk of pain.. someone who’ll stay… Someone who will simply make a difference…
4. Have you read this one? Loving a person doesn’t need a criteria kasi once you fall in love u take the risk of accepting the person. You don’t need to find answers kung bakit mo sha mahal. Kasi lahat nagbabago but if you accept that person magbago man siya in the middle of the relationship hindi ka masasaktan kasi tanggap mo siya ng buo. Mahirap gawin pero masarap subukan dahil wala nang sasaya pa if you let that one person feel na mahal na mahal mo siya without asking for anything in return. Then you can say, wow, yun pala ang LOVE…
O diba? Talk about deep.
Husband: me problema ako, hindi ko na kaya.
Wife: honey, problema natin, hindi ikaw lang. 2 tayong magksama sa buhay. Lahat ng problema mo, problema ko rin. O, ano problema natin?
Husband: nabuntis natin si inday, tayo ang ama… :P
Wag kang malulungkot, o magdaramdam, kapag ika’y nag-iisa. Sapagkat sa mata ng duling, lahat tayo ay dalawa. Hangga’t may duling may pag-asa.
Leader: Tol, balita ko bading ka daw… totoo ba?!
Ambo: Di ako bakla pare. Mga chismax lang yun galing sa mga chuvaness na walang magawa sa mga chenilyn nila. Chura nila! Hmp! Jombagin ko sila e!
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Bobo: mali pa rin!
Pare: cge, siret na!
Juan: Pedro, nasaksak ako, walang hinto ang tagas ng dugo ko.. please call me a doctor.. call me a doctor!!
Pedro: O cge, you’re a doctor! You’re a doctor! You’re a doctor!
I now momentarily disrupt my happy moments to reflect on some happenings in my life right now.
MY DESIRE TO BLOG PART 3
March 16, 2006
1:26 @ CAS Library
A matter of friends? Or just a matter of choices?
Recently, I’ve been thinking about friends issues. Hmm. Not that I’m complaining about my set of friends or anything. I just ended up pondering about what may happen to us, or to whatever. Anyway.
Minsan kasi, feeling ko I have no true friends. I mean, it may sound bad lalo na sa mga totoong tao na mahal pala ko.. pero gets? Parang minsan tingin ko everyone has this person or sometimes persons pa nga na malalapitan pag may prob, nakakaalam ng buhay mo, nakikishare sa lungkot at kilig sa buhay mo. Ngayon, dahil nga may problema yata ko sa utak, tingin ko walang ganun para sakin. Or maybe, I just feel so distant from my true friends. Ewan ko ba. Its just sad.
Bakit ba kasi ganun? Minsan tingin mo ikaw yung pinaka-untrusted person sa mundo. Kasi parang walang gustong magshare ng kahit ano… tapos alam mo yun. Ang pangit kasi ng feeling na nararamdaman mong may tinatago sau mga kbgan mo. Yung tipong sbrang halata na ayaw na sbihin sayo.. tapos pag tinanong mo ang sagot sayo “ewan” or “wala yun”… when in fact super obvious naman na meron.. hay.
Ang panget diba? I mean ang gulo… kasi, ano yun? Di ka trustworthy enough? Hay. Ayoko nman lumabas na pakialamera or anything..(actually na-label na akong pakialamera ng kaibigan ko. Ndi nia alam na alam ko.)
Anyway. Wala lang.
Kaya ngayon, im thinking, is it a case of choosing the right people to be your friends? Or friends usually just end up together? Hindi ko rin alam. Minsan kasi I feel left out, out of place, or wala lang, para lang akong tanga and it sucks.
Ang friendship cguro parang love din. I mean, its still a relationship diba? Cguro I’m looking or have been looking for friends in the wrong places. Siguro, yung totoo mong kaibigan anjan lang sa ilalim ng ilong mo (literal).. ndi mo lang napapansin kasi ibang friends pa hinahanap mo.
Hay. Ang tanga tanga ko talaga.
Hindi ko tuloy alam gagawin ko.
Siguro, selosa lang tlga ko or something, noh?
Basta. I think I need to know who my real friends are. Para hindi ganto. Kasi kung sino pang inaantay mo, sila pa mang-iiwan sa’yo.
Lm mo jen, sometimes you would feel na you have no friends or as if your friend does not like you. Minsan kc jen pagod ang tao. Although not physically but somehow emotionally and you know yung mga internal stuff. Nonetheless, after everything dpat mafeel mo parin na bumabalik yng dating samahan. I know that both of us can assert to that…sometimes gnun tyung dalawa hehe sowi dear. But I know na khit gnun tyu sa isat isa e no worries dahil at the end of the day friends prin tyu, at mgtutulungn. Dahil gnun ang true frinds.
Lm mo i got a friend who told me before that once a glass is broken, one can never put it back to its original state. However, if you put it back together and ignore the shattered appearance, then the glass would definitely look like a glass again. Prang relationship lng yan. Once gone through a conflict, must learn to patch things up and forget for the betterment of both parties. --- I quote Ms. China herself, Ms. Fem Gan (I love fem gan!) :D
MY DESIRE TO BLOG PART 4
Still in the lib, @ 1:55 pm
Forget about the people of your past. There must have been a good reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
I just got this text from Maika… and it’s funny how approporiate this quote is to me at this moment. As in nakuha ko sha as I was starting with the entry.
Anyway, I think it sums up the newest issue I have with regards to someone from the past.. hmmm. Well its not exactly that new, since I’ve blogged about this person, not recently, but from the time I started out this blog. (Read: November 2002-March 2003)
Hay. Un na yung siguro. I think you just have to let go of things not meant for you. Pero.. pano?
There are a lot of things left undone, words left unspoken, things yet to be fixed. Pano na? After 3 years, is it still justifiable to talk to someone about something from your past? OMG. I just realized how long ago that was… 3 years.
And still counting.
No more words left to say. I’m just so tired.
MY DESIRE TO BLOG PART 7? OHKAY, PART 7, THEN.
Prom B, 3:27 pm
Currently watchin Final Destination 3 on my laptop. Boohoo. It’s weird when you watch scary or suspense flicks on your own, coz it’s really gonna bother you. And the blood? It’s just yucky…
Anyway. Pag oras mo ba, oras mo na talaga? Lalng. Astig kasi yung movie napaisip tuloy ako.
Grabe, dahil nga its been years since I last updated this bloggypoo, ayan tuloy, parang ang gulo ng sinasabi ko nuhh?
Yung yearender? Maybe next time na lang. Yung 2006 na lang kaya? Isa na lang yun J Yehey!!!! :P
Someone got killed at Pearl this morning. Hired killers probably. I heard that they walked rather confidently after the incident. Wow, that’s nice. It’s gross and true-to-life. Not like the bloody-ness of Final Destination.
Sad thing is, his wife and kid were there during the shootout. That sucks.
My desire to blog
On a brand new day
17 march 2006, 4pm case room 2
A new quote received to counter my previous quote.. haha.
I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight for so long is because we fear that something so great won’t happen twice.
My Desire to Blog: 20 March 2006, 3:46pm, Prom B
I just declared my state of national denial
I was walking in Prom A after my Finance exam, and a friend told me that I did not look troubled at all. She reminded me that last week, I told her that this week would be our hell week.. and she told me that I did not look stressed yet. So sabi ko in denial pa ko, kasi I still cant accept the fact na FINALS NAAAA kadiri…
Graduation ni Donna today! Hooray! Para samin Cum Laude ka pa rin J love ya (girl!) haha.
Part 2: Old Flame?
My old ym status: kala ko pa naman pwde na maging tayo, yun pala kayo na ulit. NICE.
Later when I go online….
twisted_angel_xxiii (NR ako. Bakit kailangan mong sabihin sa akin na wala na kayo?)
My Desire to Blog: 21 MARCH, 2006
Only reminds me of you
Lintik na kanta.
Yun lang masasabi ko eww. Anyway, I told THE whole story to my friend mejiemoo… and we almost cried together J hihihi.
Anyway, the title of this entry is actually a song.. by a band/group that goes by the name St. Paul. Nice.
Anyway. Why the song?
Everything seems to be unfinished lately
I completely forgot finishing these updates
It’s April 8, 2006 already
It’s my sister’s birthday
A lot of things happened over the two weeks of no update
Especially during the 5 months of no updates
That’s nice huh
I cant think of anything sensible right now
So I think I’ll just stop typing
I might say something more stupid than THIS
10 things that happened over the “break”
1. My best bud graduated already, she’s a Cum Laude! Congrats Neeka! But besp, you still owe me big time. I mean, I also owe u coz of the ads u made… but u owe me a bonding sesh!! BOOO!!!
2. We’re done with school na. Just waiting for a few grades pa. Actually, just one more. And my grades aren’t so good. Haha. But I don’t really care. Nice.
3. We won in the Marketing Plan contest thingy! We were chosen (Shoecial) as one of the best marketing plans in the shoes category! Hooray for that!
4. I recently went to Makati and got lost looking for a job. Turned out that there’s no more vacancy for OJTs. Nice, huh?
5. I spent this past week in solitude. I had all the time in the world, and I just ended up malling… ALONE. I could’ve asked friends to come with me, but apparently everyone’s just too busy. Nice. And I’m the one procrastinating as always.
6. Me and my mom went to Morayta in Manila and Recto… just to have our group’s Marketing Plan bookbinded. Cool! I had it rushed and it only took an hour. Paid 120 bucks for it. Not bad, huh?
7. I think I might work at ABS-CBN this summer. I’m now crossing my fingers. Haha!
8. During enrollment (April 4), we (Jenna, Mej and Sheryl) went to G4 to watch Basic Instinct 2. It’s a pretty kickass movie. Haha. Here’s the thing, we walked to Shang, rode the MRT, walked through SM Makati to Glorietta, walked some more, watched the darned movie, walked some more, walked back to the MRT station, waited for some time (standing) for Lander, rode the MRT back to Shaw, walked around Shang, and walked back to school. What’s the common denominator? WALKING. Once me and Mej reached school, we just realized how painful our feet were. We sat down at the ledge… and pretty much, that’s what we did. Pretty cool.
9. I just realized how “peaceful” I find SM Food court. Weird huh? I duno. It’s weird (I know, now stop rubbing it in), but…. I can study there. And I don’t care if there are way too many people especially during lunch hours. Basta if I’m there, okay lang. I don’t care about people around me at all. Haha!
10. I miss you.
My desire to blog: 10 April 2006
It’s officially the start of Holy Week right now. And well, there’s nothing much to say. I can’t wait to upload this blog update… but I’m actually thinking if I’m gonna upload this on installments lang or one whole dumpeee weeh!
Anyway, I’m soooooooo into the Korean series My Name is Kim Sam Soon. Hehe. I can’t wait to finish the whole series, BUT I don’t have a copy of the series though. Ahaha! I can’t wait to watch it all over. And finish it till the end. Boohoo.
Anyway, our driver’s out on leave right now coz his mom died. Bless her soul. Anyway, this got me thinking about my summer class. Well its actually just work (in the office I mean) and the feasibility on Saturdays. Lalala. I might have to commute to work and to school. And back home, of course!
Anyway, I can’t wait to head back to the mall again – any mall I swear! :P
Argh. I have nothing else to say.
My desire to blog: 10 april 2006 11:25 pm
THIS GOES OUT TO YOU.
You, yes you.
You know what?? I thought I’ve already met the dense-est person in the whole wide universe.
Till there was you.
You are, by far, the most insensitive and dense-est person I’ve ever met. Your head is so full of *** and you just don’t care whether or not a friend of yours is actually in the brink of death or something – just because you are with effing ***!!!!
For the past months, we haven’t been the same friends as before. Gets? We haven’t been talking as much, and we haven’t been friends, as in friends anymore. Guess why. Just because of ***. Nice huh!
I’ve tried dropping fuckin’ hints but still nothing. I mean.. I hope u don’t think that I still have feelings for you or anything. It’s just that your world is revolving on this *** (and dude, she’s not even pretty!!!!) and even your kabarkadas complain about you already!!
I’ve tried and still there’s no use trying to talk some sense into your brain. And… besides, you’re such an insensitive person for you to feel that. Diba?
I’m afraid I won’t ever try to contact u again. If you decide to reach for me, I’ll be there. But I won’t be the same Jenna to you. I’ll never be ****. I’ll just be JENNA. GO on, call me Jenna. I know you want to. Or then again, maybe *** does.
AND THIS ONE GOES OUT TO YOU. YES., YOU.
I’ve been calling you for ages. Ever since your birthday. And what do I get? This feeling that you are avoiding me? Nice.
I can’t think of any reason for you to avoid me. I just want to talk. Or something..
I’m not stupid, you know.
I tried calling you on your ***, and no answer. In the afternoon, I tried again and it’s turned off. I tried calling your *****, and its ringing. But no answer.
Forgive me for my kababawan but I believe wala akong gnagawa to be treated this way. Ewan.
Need a lesson? 11:36 pm
LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP 101
There’s always a possibility that a person can get attracted to another. Its human nature. Its not wrong. But that’s why you’re in a commitment, you DISCIPLINE yourself. One may get attracted to numerous prospects and its okay. As long as you don’t want to nurse the feeling and won’t do something about it. Borderline between cheating and faithfulness. Recognize the reality that you already have THE person that can give you MORE than what you get from the cheap thrills of attraction.
Thanks to Donna!
Holy Week 2006
My desire to blog: 14 April 2006, 4:31 pm
Holy Wednesday – Procession. Talk about sacrifice. 2 hour walk around the parish thingy.. (basta yung buong 3 barrios – almost!) Okay.
Maundy Thursday – Did not get the chance to do the annual bisita iglesia. However, preparations were done here for the Last Supper. Nice, huh?
Good Friday – We (Mines, ate shei and family) went to Ultra (PSC) for the retreat. Fr. Mario was the speaker today and he was good! J learned a lot!
Parang napakadami no? gusto ko lang ishare.
I’M GONNA UPLOAD EVERYTHING NOW!!! WEEH! OR MAYBE IN INSTALLMENTS. BAHALA NA!
FINAL UPDATE BEfORE UPLOAD
Me, mines ate shei and besp neeka watched rent at greenbelt 3 last april17! Woohooo! Its my current song of the moment. Seasons of love! Weeh!
Super final na. I got to bond with my bestfriend yesty. J Check my friendster for my multiply link for pics :)