[my desire to blog: 30 May 03 : 23.20]

Broken pieces of me that i tried to pick up one by one..

is someone there? can you help me?

i need you to help me, but could you?

WOULD YOU? CAN YOU?

no..i dont think you can do a single thing to release me from this..

from what?

i dont know. now, i feel like no one could do that for me..

now as i continue on trying to find and

hopefully pick up all of me i've left behind in the past,

YOU CAME.

for whatever reason it may be, God knows.

what now?

i dont know! where will i go? what do i get?

and still, the same answer lands on my face.

NOTHING.

yes, absolutely nothing. it's freaky -- almost haunts me.

how will i ever find my lost self?

will i ever find them?

am i gonna have a chance to be whole again?

WHOLE? whew, its so not me right now.

EMPTY.. that's what it is, most probably, i guess..

i'm as empty as... something.. well, empty.

i dont know if i'm still making sense.

i just want to put an end to all the existing thoughts in my head.

i wish it would be as easy as placing a period in a sentence..

Done.

.

now, tell me, do you happen to know where i left my broken pieces?



bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

[i desired to blog at around 4 pm..]

i'm sitting here again. same seat, same place, same room, same pen, same notebook, same teacher, same faces. i've always wondered how i get to survive this torture day by day. nothing's changing apparently. i still dont understand a single thing that the teacher is trying to say. hayy. overload. and still, every now and then, a strain of thought would pop into my head and would make me want to sit in front of the computer and blog my thoughts away. i tore a piece of paper and decided to write them...


...too bad the teacher had to leave.

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

HOMEWORK and REMINDERS
1. Answer all the odd-numbered exercises on pages 199-399 of your book.
2. Additional homework: Do advance reading on our next lesson found on pages 400-600.
3. For next week: Try answering all exercises from pages 150-650 of you book.
4. Schedule of exams: 3rd long exam will be on the 27th. Coverage would be from circular functions to exponential logarithms.
5. Finals for MA101: 28-30 May 2003. Keep posted for announcements. Coverage: Everything!

Assignment for BONUS POINTS
Mathematical Suicide
= +++5000 points on your class standing
=EXEMPTION FROM FINALS

Good luck boys and girls!

Class dismissed.

jenna reckons this symmetrical, reflexive analogy:
MATH = TORTURE
TORTURE = SUICIDE
therefore,
MATH = SUICIDE!

hell, here we come.

SMILE! MATH SUCKS! SMILE! MATH SUCKS! SMILE! MATH SUCKS!

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

matagal na panahon na ang nakalipas..


magkaiba na ang landas natin...


at nang tanungin sa akin...


"mahal mo pa ba?"


sabi ko,
"di na.."


totoo.
di na.


di na ko nagmahal ng iba.


bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

can someone possibly give me a reason to at least smile?

can somebody be kind enough to release me from bitterness?

can anyone tell me that everything's gonna be fine, despite all the problems around me?!

can someone....kahit sino...pwede bang bgyan mo ng katuturan ang buhay ko sa mundo?

can you?

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

i think it's wrong to be too happy about something in a certain moment..kasi baka walang matira sa mga susunod na oras. baka maubos na lahat ng energy mo kakatawa, not knwing that the next few moments would be of uhmmm, let's say sadness caused by confusion.

hayy...i was too amazed of what happened nung tuesday. mshado ata ako na-overwhelm. damn. i think im not meant to be too happy. salamat nlng sa mundong to na puro kaguluhan ang dala. ewan. mukang masama na ata mging masaya ngyon. argh. nakakainis. bahala na. ndi ko lam kng ano sasabihin eh. pro i think this blogspot should live up for sumtin its meant to be for. for bittersweet twistedness.

back to normal.

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

. Hotshots . Phonecall . Long walk . Shangri-la . Phonecall . Icecream . Smiles . Walk around . Arcade . Basketball . House of the dead . Tired . Billiards . Half hour . Torture . Shy . Giggles . Racing . Laughing . Walking together . Max's . Chicken . Ha-ha . Stories . jenna's too talkative . Eat . Water, please . Li'l piece of bread for 2 . Argh u paid for the bill . Smiles . Thanks . Smiles . Tip them . Smiley face tip Ü . Walk around. Wait for sometime . Vanity corner = mirror . Walks . Smiles . Bearhuggs . Picture taking . Say cheese . Bearhuggs . Cutey little bear . Owww cutey STAR . frustrated = no money . walk around booth . cutey star . cutey star . walk away from bearhuggs . cant stop thinking of star . turn around . walk back to bearhuggs . token of appreciation Ü . star? bear? . TRADE TAYO? . wat do u want? . ikot . ikot . ikot . saleslady was pissed off . next time nlng . haha its her job anyways . kulitan . kulitan . AWW STAR . argh, i need money . Ha-ha . smiles . walk around . i want a hug sana ;) . aww . have-to-go . sad . next time? . yey . take care . can't walk away . ingats . smiles . ummm thinks . buhbye . sundo's here . thanks talaga . had a gr8 time . buhbye . smiles . umm . buhbye. thanks . *mwah* gnyt and buhbye kiss .

"...these are a few of my favorite things Ü..."

haha. lalng. cant believe this much could actually happen in a really short span of time.. [short = 3 hours]..and that much could actually make me smile til 2morow, and make me sleep well tonight..

yep...i'm happy Ü sobrah Ü i had fun knina sa shang...sobra! i was with katotong robrobrob...ehe grabe! ang saya! Ü cant wait to go out again! lalng. cant explain how happy i feel ryt now.

UNEXPLICABLE HAPPY SHIT ÜÜÜÜÜ

what matters is, that im smiling ryt now. for whatever clear reason it may be, I HOPE IT WOULD LAST..FOR A CHANGE!! Ü

. smiley smiley smiley angel . smiley smiley smiley angel . smiley smiley smiley angel .

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

HAPPINESS IS....

hayy let's see....happiness? haha. i think ive never blogged about happy moments before...some person made me realize na its about time na i should be thankful about my life...although not everything's goin well...life's all about these ups and downs.. ryt? kya...thanks saio. i know u know hu u r... feeling ko nga..kaw lng bumabasa ng blogspot ko nowadays...haha. thanks. para saio to.. naks!

uhmmm... so... i really dont know where to start. as ive told u, its been a while since ive talkd of nice things. yep, the ONLY nice thing ive said here was about being a princess :) that made me smile... (well til now...i can be mababaw rin nman eh...) ayan... i think i shud start from that thing. haha..

MABABAW - jenna. would u believe that? yea, i hv to admit na mababaw lng akong tao. i cud laugh at ever-so-corny jokes, mga pacute lng...lalng..i cud laugh at these things easily. haha. examples? hmm...i think yan ang pinaka-suitable na ilagay dito.. kaso i cant think. my mind's sooo messed up. ehe.. cant talk about this mess...it would be pretty much out of the topic..ah i know.. maybe its about time i make a "what makes JENNA happy list"...

WHAT MAKES JENNA HAPPY/SMILE
1. shmpre my family! haha..malamang..Ü
2. my friends...miss ko na kaio...haha. as if nman mababasa nio to!
3. hmm...my computer! haha...
4. uhmm my celfone! :) yey!
5. ummm tv!
6. mp3s ko...
7. going to school with at least a hundred bucks.. haha.. khit kuripot ang erpats. lolz
8. wen sum1 remembers me...pag mei ngtxt saken, email, 2mawag..
9. pag mai person na ngsasabi saken na evrything's gonna be ok, khit na ang gulo ng life...
10. hanging out sa mall with my frnds..
11. having lunch out with my uap frnds! yey!
12. talking to sumone late at night...kahit bihira ng meron...
13. uhmmm pag nakapasa ako sa quiz...
14. uhmm pag mai kausap akong sumone special.. :) naks..[khit wala akong sum1 special ngyon..eheh]
15. pag nag-aarcade ako wit mah frnds!
16. seeing my pet doggie...
17. watching disney princesses on disney channel..
18. my "desire" to be a princess...khit wannabe lng ako... ;p
19. sleeping...ehe...[khit na i barely hav sum of it lately]
20. singing! :) haha..wlang kokontra!
21. pag miss na ko ng ibang tao... (meron ba?)
22. hearing a good song sa radio. :)
23. talking to a missed friend :)
24. pag nkikipagkulitan ka with sum1.. (like ryt now, kausap ko c...haha ewan ko nlng kng malaman mo kng cno ka! eheh)
25. wen i learn sumthing new... [khit ano man un]
26. pag nlaman kong mai laman pa pala ung internet card dito yahooo chat galore!
27. new stuffs.. ;) khit pacute lng lolz...
28. pag naalala ako ng frnd ko..na matagal na ndi ko nakakausap...
29. i guess i shud say this...im glad to be alive... [/me sings feeling happy just to be here tonight...and happy just to be me...and be alive...:)

ayan. that's all i can think of ryt now...im pretty messed up ryt now... :)
these thoughts really made me smile.. :) khit onti :) lalng....i needed this. thanks pach or shud i say "prince"? [prince nga ba? haha] ehehe...lalng.. :)

hayy...ok....happiness...? well...its not always around...(for me, that is)... uhm..happiness...joy...hayy...well i think i shud try to be happy at times.. :) ..khit minsan lang! as in...

life = happiness?
life = suffering?

we'll never know! i guess the reason y we're living is to find it out.

try to keep smiling, dude.

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

...minsan hindi ko maintindihan...parang ang buhay natin ay napagtitripan...mejo malabo yata ang mundo...binabasura ng iba ang shang pinapangarap ko...

yeah..ganun na nga...

AT RANDOM : imbisibol
bakit ganun? parang minsan feeling ko invisible ako. para lang akong bula...wala lang, wlang sense sa mundo. well parang mas ok pa nga maging bula. kahit papano, mpapansin ka...khit sandali lang. sasabihin pa "wow! ang cute naman, bubbles!"... Buti pa sila. kahit sandali lang ang life nila, they sure get noticed. dey also get appreciated. kahit mababaw lang, nakikita pa ren. ---eh ako? anong meron? wala lang, walang kwenta.. sana bubble na lang ako.. at least nkikita ako, khit sandali. hindi nagmimistulang wallpaper lang.
bakit nga kse ganun no? mai certain peopla na "gifted". madaling makita. madaling mapansin. ndi nmn sa kulang ako sa pansin at gusto ko mpansin..kse..bkit ganun? these "gifted people" hav every power to get some other's attention. bket kaya ndi ata ako nbigyan ng ganung powers?
sabi kasi nila, kung cno daw gusto mo, un daw ang mhirap mapalapit saio. haha. tell me about it. all these years gnyan ang nangyayari saken..kung mga crush din lang ang pag-uusapan. hayy. maraming beses na ko nagtry..all these times i think i just failed. that's why i feel so frustrated. nwalan na ko ng tiwala sa sarili ko. ayy ewan ko kung tama...feeling ko pag nabasa mo na to (yep kung cno ka mang napadaan sa blogspot ko), isipin mo ang babaw ko..well cguro nahurt lang din ako. or sumthin. ewan. this is a good as i could get wen i try to explain. hayy. sorry. ehe.
pro..ano kaya feeling ng napapansin...ng taong gs2 mong pansinin ka? ewan ko....ndi ko alam. never felt that way eh. bitter ko no? haha..wats new anyways? ive always been like this. and everytime i think of how bitter i am, one thing comes to my mind... "magbago na kaya ako ng image?!" hayy. as if that's gonna be that easy. hayy.

cguro mas ok na lang na mging wallpaper na muna ko. dito ako sanay eh. baka dito lang din ako may mapala. ndi ko lang alam kung kelan. sana lng mai makapansin sa ken. :(

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

qUiTs


*** xoxox (xoxox@202.177.89.091) has quit IRC (shit. i love u stil.)

*** arwen1111 (roar@ipdial-170-6.tri-isys.com) has quit IRC (byebye all! and tc and lovya,life will never be fair)

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*** gRay_sky (abdky@203.104.89.189) has quit IRC (i miss you honey.. *** ****** ********* **** **** my wife....)

*** priNce` (1202@203.168.17.48) has quit IRC (cge princess ah...i have to talk to my real princess eh...see yah soon...)

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thanks sa mga chatter na to :)
bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

now i want to be a princess with a tiara who's dancing with my prince charming!!!!! yey!

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

hayy...nothing good has been happening to me lately...

i really want to be a princess. *sigh*
ang weird noh? lalng... ever since ive watched the disney princesses, lalo na ung princess diaries, in wanted to be a princess na ren! :) hay!!

pro ryt now, balik muna sa pagiging bitter. ay mali, bittersweet. :)
i feel ugly. lalng. ndi ko rn gets kng baket. bsta i feel ugly today. ARGH.

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

this is so ironic! kala ko ba Life is beautiful? ehehe! ;) lalng...



Eh. Life isn't that great. Cheer up. You'll get by.
Give it some time. You should be back on your
feet anytime. Maybe.


Tears(girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla


haha....depressed. ayy. ako ba yun? bagay na bagay saken no? haha....hay. life.

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

i found this site...lalng...i tried to answer some quiz...and it would tell u in what color u see the world...

is this true?!?!? hahaha! here are the results! :)


Red:
Aren't you the romantic? Life is poetic. If you
don't already, write poetry, you're good at it.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

ako? ROMANTIC? hahaha...poetic, TRUE... romantic? ako? romantic?! ako?!?!?!?!?!?!? as in ako tlga?!?!?

*wonders*

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

i've never felt as empty as this before. not that i only feel soooooo damn numb, i dont know what im feeling too. labo! ok ulet...i mean,,prang i dont know what i want na. oh well.

last night, i stared at the stars. hay...its been a while since i had time for that. yeah, it sounds weird... hobby ---- staring at the stars? well, it may really sound weeeeiiiirrrd...but looking at the stars really soothes me. hay, prang there's nothing else u cud think of when u look up in the sky. sna ganun lng ang life. prang...ang peaceful. well..mejo peaceful na rin nman life ko ha? (uyyyyyyyyy manloloko ka tlga jenna) well....its jst my mind that occasionally brings the damage. (haha braindamaged) hay. lalng. i dont know if im making sense. i dont feel like writing.

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com

there. ive said it na.

ano pang gusto ko?

hay im back to feeling absolutely nothing. as in NOTHING.
i know what i did was really mean. pro i just told the truth. i didnt mean to hurt anyone. i dont know if it's the right thing... ?????? grrr ?????

so...jenna, tell me, what's bothering u now?!

bittersweet_twistedangel@yahoo.com